50 insights to who I am.
The first 20 are old ones from other notes that are still true. The following 30 are new or updated.
1.I look at myself in the mirror for longer than what I imagine would be considered normal. While doing this, I try to imagine if I look the same to myself as I do to other people.
2. My friends are just as important as family to me
3. Sometimes I wonder if the foods I’m eating now or the medicines that I take might be a causal factor in me getting cancer at the age of 50.
4. I see the genius behind marketing bottled water to Americans.
5. Sometimes, I would rather be right and be miserable than be wrong and be happy.
6. I am constantly questioning what I believe in. Sometimes, I feel it’s a good attribute. At other times, it really makes me doubt what I’ve believed all along.
7. I don’t want to leave my friends after college, but I also don’t want to stay here
8. I am inclined to think that most things that go on within the church today are shallow and aren’t doing anybody any good.
9. I often wonder if I’ll die young. Not in an emotionally depressing kind of way. More of a curious sort of way that somehow makes things make more sense to me…whatever, I’m weird.
10. I absolutely hate talking on the phone, the conversations always seemed forced and awkward to me.
11. I take everything for granted and knowing this has not changed my attitude towards much.
12. I do not really care for happy endings much. I do not think they reflect reality. Most of my favorite movies/books end with the bad guy winning or, at the very least, the good guy dying.
13. Sometimes, I look in the sink after shaving and I am amazed at how much hair just came off my face
14. Most things I do, I do so people will like me
15. I’ve become extremely pessimistic over the past few years though I’m noticing a present trend back towards optimism. We’ll see if it outlives the Summer because I still do not really see any reason to be optimistic about much.
16. I am inclined to be extremely jealous but I tend to control it very “well”… by replacing this emotion with one of despair. I imagine that is because despair allows me to focus on myself and things under my control as opposed to focusing my emotions on somebody that I have absolutely no control over.
17. I attempt to be one of the most up-front and honest people you will ever meet. I do not see a point in having secrets. I will answer just about any question you ask me as long as there is purpose behind you asking me. Occasionally, if you ask a question that really hits home for me I will opt to just not talk about it but I will not lie about it.
18.Sometimes I wonder whether or not refraining from actions I think would
be fun, but wrong, is really worth it. (After having giving up on refraining from several actions I’m finding in a few cases it was worth it and I’m moving back towards that).
19. I’m extremely curious about why I am the way I am and why others do the things they do. It fascinates me to no end. Social Psychology might be one of my favorite subjects.
20. I often laugh at my own jokes because I find myself to be entertaining. My room mates think it’s weird but it’s actually one of the things about myself
I like the most.
21. I am terribly uncertain as to where I am supposed to go from “here.”
22. My biggest four fears are:
1.Hurting others
2.Being Hurt
3. Growing old and largely dependant on someone else for my well being
4. Sharks….namely being eaten alive by sharks
23. When it comes to fears I do my best to face them; I still swim in the ocean despite the existence of sharks. I might just be a little slower about jumping in than most and I’m constantly thinking about them the whole time I’m in the water. This applies to the other fears as well.
24. Every day, I become more aware of how much luck has had to do with my current and future success than what I would like to give credit for.
25. With some dissonance in regards to #24, I prefer to believe that all of my achievements were earned and all of my failures were deserved.
26. Love, Honesty, Personal Responsibility, and Intelligence are amongst the most important attributes a person can have in my eyes.
27. I don’t believe in forgetting, but I definitely believe in forgiving; this does not always mean things will be the same as they were before.
28. I have a strong desire for people to just KNOW me. I want people to KNOW who I am and I want to KNOW others. Hence why I do these type of notes and why I believe in being so honest.
29. I find the things I tend to enjoy most in life are the things that remind me of being a child. I enjoy stories from my younger years, climbing trees, riding bikes, exploring new “neighborhoods”, finger painting, swinging on swings, and the sensation of falling. This is also the reason that SpongeBob SquarePants and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends still rank in my favorite shows.
30. For the most part I hate being by myself; but on some days I find it absolutely necessary for me to be on my own.
31. When I am on my own is when I think most clearly. It is also the times I tend to be most down on myself. If you see me walking alone at night (it’s what I do) and you don’t want to be terribly depressed then it is best that you just keep walking.
32. I have always thought talking through your problems was the best way to handle them. I did not use to do this but decided that I really should give it a try. Recent experiences with it have been mixed and the verdict is still out.
33. Despite my poor experiences with talking through things with others, I would like to take a moment to thank a certain Ashley Lynch and a Meryl Dakin for being there for me when I did needed to talk. You two are the only reason I’ve considered changing my mind on speaking to people about my problems.
34. I hate feeling obligated to give gifts. In my eyes, if you’re obligated then it’s not a gift. This is the reason I hate the Christmas Holiday as well as my own birthday. I would much rather just buy gifts for people when I see something that they like or when I go somewhere special and that’s all I desire in return.
35. In regards to #34, If I ever do manage to get married, I imagine this will be something I have to get over. I do not think I will be so lucky as to find a wife who will be ok with getting nothing on special dates like anniversaries or not telling the kids the story of Santa Clause…..
36. I really enjoy reading. Especially stories that have a “deeper meaning.” Generally I find this “deeper meaning” in those that end with evil triumphing over good. Not that I really want that to happen or anything…it’s just that I relate to the characters in those stories so much better. Characters like Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities. Reading about that man is often like looking into a mirror.
37. I really enjoy the outdoors. Camping, rock climbing, bonfires, and wildlife are all awesome to me. I would like to camp more.
38. Over the past few years I’ve begun to believe that God has much more passive approach to mankind and that the stories of the Bible are kind of the exception to the rule. I do not think that He is actively involved in my every action and I no longer believe that He is in control of everything. Not that He is unable to be in control or anything; I just think he kind of gave the “actively controlling” aspect by his own volition when he gave man free will.
39. Half of me really wants to grow up and begin adult life; the other half really just wants to keep things as they are now.
40. I am terribly self conscious and in the areas that are most important to me I have a low self image. This may contrast with how I come off to most people who know me, as arrogant or conceited, but that’s only because I generally don’t talk about the areas of my life that really matter to me…
41. I really want to make a difference in the lives of others; but I’m uncertain as to where to begin. Someone direct me.
42. I beginning to feel I have taken some things in life far too seriously and that I do need to “loosen up.” These areas might include me getting over my anxiety of dancing in front of strangers and my approach to relationships.
43. I prefer mixed company to all-guy or all-girl groups.
44. I have real mixed emotions about moving back on campus. I was really looking forward to my apartment with Nathan and Stewart but this new opportunity may open some doors for me. Delayed gratification kind of sucks….
45. A Harvard professor named Jeffrey Rayport once said:
“ Don’t squander the moments of great opportunity for fear of making the wrong decision.” At first glance I think this is wonderful advice; however, in actual practice I often find myself squandering such opportunities because I ask myself “what if this goes wrong?”
46. Skydiving and being kissed have got to be to be two of the biggest thrills I have had in my life time. I look forward to doing more of both in the future.
47. I have recently found that I really enjoy traveling, contrary to my former thoughts on such matters. I would rather not do it alone though.
48. I am not a dog person and in most cases I am not a cat person. I prefer other sorts of “less common” pets that can live in enclosed areas such as: Frogs, Snakes, Turtles, Hedgehogs, and other sorts.
49. I wish I could talk like Sean Connery. I’m absolutely certain that this would solve a lot of my problems and the ones that it didn’t solve would no longer be a bother to me because I would be enthralled with listening to myself talk.
50. I am terribly longwinded when it comes to saying what I have to say, as you can tell my the small paragraph next to each of these numbers.
